


nothing comes as easy as you

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bully!Kylo, Bullying, Close ur legs rey, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Gaslighting, High School, Jock!Kylo, Kylo is 19, POV First Person, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rey is 15, Some Physical Abuse, i mean he IS a bully
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26502028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Rey is a freshman math wiz new to an expensive private school. She meets a senior named Ben who torments her at every opportunity.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 507
Kudos: 845





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [nothing comes as easy as you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571190) by [Tersie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tersie/pseuds/Tersie)



> yah so he’s a bully read w caution  
> i’m not going to have him like punch Rey but there will be shoving and things like that—I’ll warn beforehand

My third time being the new kid is even worse than the first two times.

It’s a cold November morning when I walk through the gates to St. Pious, a very fancy, very old private school that the state gave me a hardship grant to attend. I’ve been new before to all kinds of public schools but here they have uniforms and the parking lot is a sea of expensive German and British cars peppered with the occasional _super_ expensive car. I spy a Lamborghini. Yikes.

I’m late. Unkar let me sleep through my alarm. Thankfully the sidewalks are empty and it’s easy enough to trail the gray stone walls to the sliding doors so I don’t get lost on top of being late for my first day of high school at a new, expensive school.

Looks kinda like a castle on the outside but it’s modern inside: warm, with a huge carpet that has the school name and mascot on it. A raven. An angry raven with red eyes and big sharp talons. Walls are a mix of stone and wood and drywall and the floors are darker wood and linoleum. Nice. Classy. Expensive.

I shift on my flats, vibrating with anxiety as I amble in further. I’m late. I hate being late. No school is cool with students being late.

“Miss Niima?”

My bad start improves a little: someone is waiting for me at the reception desk, a tall blonde lady in a gray pencil skirt. Oh. Usually I kinda wander around until I figure out where I need to go.

She shakes my hand. “My name is Miss Phasma. I’ll be giving you a brief tour before you go off to class.”

“Sorry I’m late,” I say sheepishly. “It won’t happen again. Sorry.”

“No worries. Things happen, and we’re very excited to have you here.”

Oh. I mutter a thanks because I don’t know what else to say and she smiles and motions for me to follow her.

Miss Phasma is nice during the tour. She shows me the lunch room where they have sushi and pizza and make your own salads and pasta, and she shows me the two story library and dozens of computers. She hands me an iPad and a Mac.

“Oh, I don’t have money,” I say automatically.

“We issue these to everyone.” She offers them more aggressively and I still hesitate. “To enhance your learning experience.”

My heart pounds when I take them and stammer more thank yous. I’m going to have a coronary. I’ve never held anything so expensive. Holy shit. What if I spill something on them or drop them?

Phasma gestures around us. “This library was a gift from the Organa family just a few years ago. Leia Organa’s son attends the school but he’s a handful of grades ahead of you.” Her smile tightens a little and she purses her lips. “And he seems to come and go as he pleases. Anyway—off to the labs.”

We go off to the labs. I keep my arms locked tight around my laptop and tablet. I really hope I can keep them. But I get it if I can’t.

By the time we finish up at the labs and gym, it’s close to ten. Miss Phasma checks her silver watch and raises her eyebrows as we end up right back at the reception desk where a woman is talking on the phone. There’s a big mural of a tree behind her.

“Seems you’re due in English,” Phasma says. “Let me show you where it is.”

Ugh. I try to smile. I hate English.

We walk up some steps to the second floor, past a couple doors. Lockers start opposite the gym doors as we turn a corner and they stretch way down the hallway to the other end. There’s a third floor where the seniors and juniors are but I’m down here with the freshmen and sophomores.

“Freshmen are toward the front here,” Phasma says. She gestures to the area we’re in closer to the gym. “I have a folder here for you with your combination, schedule, and a calendar of events. Your only class on the third floor will be calculus with Miss Tano, every day right after lunch. She’s very excited to meet you.”

“Great. Cool.” I nod. “I’m glad.”

“We’ve taken steps to prepare more challenging math classes as you advance. She’s _very_ excited.”

I keep nodding. Yep. Tested very high on some test last year before summer school for failing English and here I am. I should be grateful I think but I’m mostly just anxious that I’m going to flunk out.

It feels like a fluke—I mean, I’m in remedial _English_. I speak English. I shouldn’t be failing it.

Phasma leaves me to check out my locker. All my textbooks are already inside and I kneel to unpack my binders and notebooks. Part of my grant. Unkar would never buy me stuff like this, even though I need it to learn. He just expects me to steal it.

I check my schedule, frowning, and the bell rings. It makes me jump and knock over my pile of binders, scattering them across the floor as the classrooms empty out into the hallway.

It’s a mess, and I’m wearing a skirt and clunky shoes. I’m hyper aware of it as I scramble to get my stuff before people kick it around. I can’t believe I’m not allowed to wear _pants_ ; that’s such a crock of shit. This uniform thing really sucks—

Sneakers squeak, quickly approaching. I glance up and fling myself into my locker to avoid being plowed over by a tall, lanky redhead, who laughs and doesn’t apologize. His shirt is untucked which is against the rules, but before I can fix him with a good glare, someone else comes up behind me.

“Shouldn’t sit on the floor,” the stranger says, and I get two soft taps on top of my head.

I blink in shock, slowly looking up as the guy comes around my right side carrying a textbook in one big hand. His shirt is untucked and he’s scrolling through his cell phone, meandering after the redhead. I stare after him and he gives me a weird smug smile over his shoulder, eyebrows raised. He’s pale. Tall. Definitely older than me. Crooked face and a big nose. Black hair in a sloppy bun.

His dark eyes roam down. Did he tap me with his knuckles?

“I can see your panties,” he says.

Oh _shit_ —I frantically check and he bursts out laughing. He shakes his head as he looks away to his phone again, not breaking stride walking down the hall. The redhead gives me a snide smile once they catch up to each other. They laugh.

I sit there for a full minute, embarrassed and confused, face hot. I don’t move until the second bell rings and I hurriedly gather my stuff for history.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> craved a second chap

After school I go straight to Walmart and steal two pairs of black bike shorts. I only steal when I _really_ need something, and I _really_ need no one at school to see my underwear. Sorry Walmart, but I’m fifteen and my foster dad won’t buy me anything.

It wasn’t a bad first day otherwise, as first days go. I was late and some guy saw my panties but I found a good spot to hide in the library and eat lunch, so I don’t have to deal with the noise and stuff in the cafeteria. So that’s good. Guess I don’t have to put it down as the worst day of my life.

Back home I check my shorts under my skirts to make absolutely sure no one can see anything. I don’t want to steal more than I need but I keep getting creepy crawlies thinking about that guy seeing my panties.

I flop on my tangled pink sheets and stare up at the stained popcorn ceiling. It’s quiet. Unkar is out—probably scrounging up scrap metal or something.

I push off my flats and curl up in my blankets to take a nap, and for some reason I want to cry.

—•—

Day two is better.

I’m early, for one thing. I show up as the doors open at six-thirty, even though I don’t have home room until seven-fifteen, because I hate being late.

It’s colder than the day before so I’m bundled up in tights and my bike shorts and a thick North Face I may have permanently borrowed from a Cabela’s. I’m glad to have it, though—I fit in with the other students wearing the same branded jackets, even though I’m not climbing out of a Jaguar or an Audi.

I head upstairs to the second floor and drop by my locker to grab my stuff for calculus, the first class of the day, every day. Earth science is last. It’s boring.

I’m hoping to make friends this week. I look around at the scattered handful of freshmen who are also early, probably just as nervous as I am, and try to smile at a couple of them. People here aren’t really friendly. I think the cliques run deep and strong.

But I’m sure I’ll find at least _one_ friend.

Home room doesn’t give me much hope of that—the teacher introduces me and my class of twenty-five stares and gives a lukewarm welcome. I scurry to my seat in the back, pushing my glasses up my nose, face burning. Jeez. Okay. What, do I have leprosy?

I wander out to my locker after home room to get my things for calculus, still trying to catch people’s glances without looking too desperate. I’ve had _friends_. I’m not some weirdo. Lots of them are on Twitter and Tumblr but I have friends. I don’t get why people have to be so rude and exclusive.

Distracted, I shut my locker and back up a step—and promptly knock someone over.

I’m apologizing before I even turn around. “Oh— _Jesus_! I’m so sorry!”

She’s really tiny and I knocked her glasses and my glasses off. No big deal on my end since I haven’t had the script updated in years but I feel terrible about hers and hurriedly swipe them up before they’re stepped on. I know how expensive they are.

We blink and laugh as we exchange our pairs. Her black hair is up in a ponytail and she has a huge backpack slung over her narrow shoulders. I considered lugging mine around, too, but everyone online said it’s geeky.

She rubs her eyes. “Shoot. Sorry.”

“It’s okay it was totally my fault.”

“No, no; you’re the third person I ran into this week!” She heaves a sigh and blinks hard a couple times, then offers her hand. “I’m Rose—Rose Tico.”

My pulse quickens excitedly when I shake her hand. “I’m Rey Niima. I’m a freshman.”

“Oh really? Me too!”

It’s even more exciting that we chat for a minute or two before the bell rings. Rose hastily scribbles down her cell and before she rushes off to algebra, and I’m so happy that I almost forget calculus.

I race upstairs. I have a friend? Maybe. I hope so. She seems really nice.

Miss Tano’s classroom is at the end of the hall. I wipe my palms on my skirt before I open it, flinching at the squeak. Uh oh. Please don’t turn this into a bad day.

A sea of seniors is staring at me when I peer inside. I get a powerful urge to throw up or faint or maybe both, but I edge inside, cowering against the wall. They all look so old. Most of the guys aren’t wearing their uniforms right and the girls have their skirts hiked up or are wearing extra jewelry.

It smells weird. Like cologne. Perfume. They’re all staring and I feel small and awkward.

I risk a glance to the front of the room and find the desk empty. Phew. That leaves me enough time to hoof it to a small desk in the back corner that’s along a row of other empty desks.

My heart pounds once I’m seated and unpacking. Terrifying. Why are they all staring?

The door opens again. I don’t check because I hear heavy footfalls that don’t sound like a female teacher, instead rifling through my backpack for an extra pencil. The footsteps move past me to the desk to my left and the person sits down. Smells like Hollister.

I set my pencil out on the front lip and go back to find my eraser. While I’m hunting I hear the desk next to me scrape, then glimpse movement on my desk.

I look up. My pencil is gone.

Frowning, I first check the floor, figuring it rolled off or something. People snicker and when I lift my head I try to slyly look at the guy next to me.

It’s him. The underwear guy. He’s sitting next to me, sprawled out in his desk that’s way too small for him, and he has my favorite red pencil between his index and middle fingers. He’s bouncing it, staring ahead even though the redhead in front of him is turned around laughing.

I swallow, quickly averting my eyes. He stole my pencil. Just like that. I only have one and he stole it and I’m definitely not asking for it back.

The door opens and a woman walks in, sort of frazzled, apologizing as she spills books on her desk. She’s wearing an elaborate white and blue headscarf with some gold jewelry and rings and somehow carrying a thermos and coffee cup on top of everything else. She looks young.

“Sorry I’m late,” she calls. “Sorry, guys. Everyone have the homework?”

No. I wring my hands watching everyone take theirs out, too shy to raise my hand. Um… hello?

They all pass their homework forward while I desperately wait to be noticed. Miss Tano is distracted organizing her desk and no one mentions my presence, so she takes a minute.

She lights up. “Oh—oh! Hello there! You must be Rey!”

That makes everyone look at me again. I nod, shrinking. Yep.

Miss Tano claps excitedly, making her way down the side aisle to shake my hand. Her palms are rougher than I thought—she looks sort of sinewy and strong. I get a weird vibe that she could kick my ass, even though she seems really nice.

“So happy to meet you,” she says. “Heard all about you from administration and that perfect score you got on the PSAT! Very good. Very good. Very happy to have you here—” She’s walking back up front, still talking. “Hang around after class, okay?”

I nod. I think the guy glances at me but he doesn’t say anything. It gives me a weird tingle down my spine.

I’m so overwhelmed that I forget I don’t have a pencil. I’m afraid to ask for one and look unprepared so I rummage through my backpack hoping to find another rolling around. No way I’m confronting the senior. No way. I’m also intimidated by Miss Tano so I guess I can just use pen—

“Tano.”

The guy beside me speaks, voice deep and clear. It draws a couple glances and he points my pen at me without a glance.

“Einstein doesn’t have a pencil,” he says.

I’m surprised, then angry. People giggle and I blush even though Miss Tano rolls her eyes at him. She brings me a whole package of fancy mechanical pencils and I rasp a thank you. Oh. Wow.

“Charming as always, Mister Solo,” she calls as she returns to her desk.

I tear open my pencils, beaming. No. 2, nice. And they’re really pretty pastels. That’s really generous.

Smiling, I lean over to put three of them away. When I straighten up I find the color I really liked, pastel pink, has disappeared from my desk.

I don’t even look at him, even though I can feel him looking at me. I pick another pencil and open my notebook, and he puts my pink pencil behind his ear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so cool bro

It turns out Rose and I have gym class together. She has a pair of prescription goggles and a couple people laugh when we come out of the locker room. I mean—it makes sense to me. Glasses are expensive, so why risk smashing them?

We’re playing volleyball. Rose and I are good at it, and I can’t believe how high she can jump. By the end of class no one is laughing at either of us.

It’s a nice feeling. My encounter with Ben Solo put a damper on my day until I got to watch Rose soaring through the air like Michael Jordan. She could go pro. I think she literally jumped six feet in the air.

Miss Tano is nice, too. After class she gave me a couple pointers and told me to ignore Ben Solo, and let her know if he bothers me.

“He’s truant,” she had said, rolling her eyes. “One of those spoiled rich kids. Don’t pay him any attention.”

“Sorry—I don’t want to cause him trouble.”

“He causes his own trouble. Super senior—failed last year. He’s almost twenty but his mother, Leia Organa, just buys another library when the administration considers kicking him out. He’s not a hard worker like you, Rey.”

I think about what she said while I’m in earth science. Almost twenty. I just turned fifteen. Kinda sucks so far. Must be nice to be an adult.

—•—

Rose meets me early the next day for help with her algebra homework. We hang out in the library and no one seems to mind us being there an hour before the bell, which is pretty cool. My old schools were usually strict about it.

She chews her pencil. ‘We match’ I joked when we got to the library, because we all wear the same uniform. She laughed until she had to use her inhaler.

“Fractions are hard,” she grumbles. “Can we trade brains?”

“Can you show me how you can jump eight million feet in the air?”

She laughs. No inhaler this time.

“All in the glutes,” she jokes.

We chat quietly about classes and how rich everyone is at St. Pious. Rose’s dad is a dentist and her mom keeps his books and stuff, so they have some money but had to scrape and scrounge a bit to send her here. She marvels at my weird math skills.

I don’t get why I’m good at math. I don’t really _like_ math, but it’s easy. Everyone has their quirk. Like I’m also in middle school English—not like I’m Steve Jobs.

We’re poring over Rose’s homework (due at ten) when someone comes in the side door. Rose doesn’t look up but I do, hypervigilant as always, and I see a familiar mess of black hair that makes my palms cold.

It’s him. Ben.

He’s carrying a thin book under his arm and not wearing a coat. He doesn’t look our way and I shrink back, hoping he won’t notice me. He’s not wearing his uniform, just basketball shorts and a sleeveless dark blue shirt with our school mascot on the front. Looks dirty, like he’s been out in the mud.

My gaze flickers back and forth from him to Rose’s homework. Ben sits at a computer and leans back to pull his hair into a bun. He has those super muscular arms. I try not to stare.

“I can help you with your English paper,” Rose says, a little too loud. “Want to come over this weekend? My mom is weird but she’ll get us snacks, and you can meet my sister, Paige. She’s annoying.”

I nod, and Ben glances at us over his shoulder. Rose doesn’t seem to notice or care but I do; I care very much when people stare at me. He snaps his gum, eyeing us, then goes back to his computer.

“Sure,” I mumble. “Sounds fun.”

We finish up a couple minutes later. I’m very worried Ben is going to take more of my pencils and I hurriedly pack up. Rose has to leave me—she needs to be early for her first class. Jesus. I need to hurry.

I sling my backpack over my shoulder. If I get out of here quick enough—

“Hey.”

Ice crystallizes in my gut. I stop dead at Ben’s deep voice, and slowly look up.

He’s sitting in his chair watching me. He snaps his thick fingers a few times in quick succession and beckons me with his index finger.

“Pencil.”

I already went over the million ways I wanted to tell him off for stealing _two_ of my pencils—and I still scramble to find him one in my new pencil case from Miss Tano. God I’m pathetic. I should refuse. She told me to ignore him.

Ben holds out his hand expectantly, so I rush over to give it to him. He chews his gum, dark eyes sweeping down my outfit before he turns back to his computer without another word.

I linger, nervous and unsure. Okay. That’s it? That’s fine. Maybe now he’ll leave me alone.

I turn away, heart pounding. Okay. Not bad.

“What color are you wearing?”

There isn’t anyone else in the library, so I think he’s talking to me. I stare at the back of his head but he doesn’t turn.

I wring my hands, thoroughly embarrassed and unable to speak. Why would he say anything? Does he mean what color _underwear_ am I wearing?

Ben swivels halfway to face me, expression blank and expectant, and I’m compelled to respond. I don’t know why. I should do what Miss Tano said.

“Um…” I tug open the hem of my bike shorts under my skirt because I already forgot what color I put on this morning. “B-Blue?”

He’s smirking when I meet his eyes again. He searches my face silently for a minute before he swivels back to his computer, and doesn’t say a word. His chair creaks and he types something in.

I’m not sure what just happened but I feel… gross. I scurry back to my table to get my stuff and leave.

—•—

I’m dreading calculus, but I have to go.

First I stop in the bathroom to work myself up for it, pacing and punching the air because that’s what I’ve seen in movies. I can do this—even when a girl flushes and washes her hands and raises her eyebrows at me, and I awkwardly wave goodbye.

I’m smart. I’m smarter than him. I got a near-perfect score on my math PSAT. He’s a super senior and a school skipper and he’ll probably end up just like Unkar someday.

I stomp upstairs to Miss Tano’s classroom and pause outside, lifting my chin. I can do this. I can—

“Move.”

I’m pushed out of the way. I stumble a step toward the lockers, squeaking—that Hux guy just pushed me, as if he couldn’t have just said ‘excuse me.’ My backpack is really heavy and I almost fall on my ass.

He laughs when he walks in. I fix my glasses and clear my throat as the door slams, angry tears burning in my eyes. Okay. People here are kind of mean.

Thankfully everyone is talking so much that they don’t notice me come in. I hurry to the back and take the chair Ben _doesn’t_ use, and set my backpack on the floor. Everyone here looks so mature and well-dressed: the girls have makeup on and their hair braided or straightened and the guys have those half-fade haircuts.

The bell rings. Miss Tano is late and I hope for a minute Ben won’t show up, but he comes in at the last second, chewing gum, shirt untucked.

I’m all unpacked and try to focus on my desk. His shadows eclipses me.

He doesn’t say anything, and I’m nervous as I look up at him. He’s just staring and chewing his gum and he keeps staring as he points to the desk I sat in yesterday. Okay—he said that one was his, but…

I grab my stuff and move. Ben watches silently and sits once I’m gone.

Hux turns around, grinning ear to ear. He exchanges a glance with the girl next to him and they laugh, and somehow I know they’re laughing at me.

He taps Ben’s desk. “Dude—so weird, right?”

My cheeks burn. I pretend to be busy getting my notebook and pencils organized and don’t catch Ben nodding or reacting at all. He’s actually texting under his desk, and I can’t help but notice the phone has a familiar green case.

…No. No way.

I try not to look frantic as I search my backpack for my phone, but I’m _frantic_. I can’t get another one. I can’t afford another one, and that has all my contacts and log ins for Tumblr and Twitter and Instagram; I never let it out of my sight. How did I lose it? How did he get it? He wouldn’t just steal my phone, right?

“She’s super clumsy,” Hux continues while I paw through my backpack for the third time. “I literally almost pushed her over with my shoulder.”

Ben snaps his gum. He doesn’t look up.

“So cool, bro,” he says.

“Shouldn’t get in the way, right?”

“No way, bro.” Ben shakes his head and snaps his gum again. “It’s so cool that you shoved a hundred- pound freshman girl. Total alpha move.”

Hux huffs. The girl beside him giggles but I’m too absorbed in hunting for my phone to care.

Miss Tano comes in apologizing for being late and carrying a stack of papers. I get up to help her, purely out of instinct, and she thanks me and puffs as she adjusts her headscarf. I think I’ll be a lot like her when I’m older. Not as ripped, though.

I go back to my desk, avoiding the eyes trailing me—but I do glance at Ben, and see, to my great dismay, that he’s holding my phone.

I sit. The thought of confronting him makes me want to puke, but I really need my phone, and he already has one. His family is rich. He can buy one.

Miss Tano starts her lesson. I wring my hands under my desk and don’t say anything to Ben.

It’s hard to focus on the lesson and by the end of class I’ve barely absorbed anything she said. I’m worried he’s going through my browser history or Tumblr and he’ll see all the weird things I like and torment me. He’s already stealing my pencils and commenting on my underwear.

Ben gets up and leaves when the bell rings. I raise my hand helplessly and start to tell him to wait but he’s gone in a split second, vanishing into a throng of other people calling his name.

I’m left last in the classroom. Miss Tano is busy talking to someone and I don’t want to bother her, so I get my stuff and go, and think I’m really beginning to hate this place.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben is nowhere to be seen for the rest of the day, so I have to go home without my phone. I’m mostly mad at myself for being such a coward but I’m also pretty mad at him for taking my phone in the first place.

I spend the night doing homework and worrying he’s snooping through my stuff. Who was he texting? He has his own phone. Why does he care about what I’m doing online? I should say something to Phasma or Miss Tano tomorrow—they’ll help me get my phone back, and tell Ben to leave me alone.

But my bravery has waned by the next morning. I’m afraid I’ll piss Ben off if I go tattle to a teacher and I don’t want the entire school to hate me for being a tattle tale. I’m sure he would tell everyone.

I go to my locker before homeroom to switch out my books. It’s loud this morning—there’s a football game this week and everyone is excited. I turn my combination and as soon as I open it an inch, someone slaps it shut.

I jump, squeaking. I recognize the hand immediately and don’t turn to look up at him. He scrambles the combination.

“You look at a lot of porn.”

Ben says it loud enough for the people two lockers down to glance our way. Yep. He looked at my Tumblr. That’s fucking embarrassing.

Humiliated, I try to cover my face. “I… I need to get in there.”

“I think you look at more porn than _I_ do.”

Jesus. I reach down to grab my backpack off the floor but he steps on it with one foot. His shoes are black and shiny. I stare at them for a second, not meeting his gaze as people walk past us. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. 

Ben doesn’t say anything for a minute. He reaches in his pocket and offers me my phone, but flips it vertical in his fingers when I reach for it.

“Really rapey porn,” he says, continuing his thought. He taps the top of my head with my phone, rhythmic. “You’re a weird little girl.”

Laughter echoes in the hall as the bell rings. I snatch my phone, hoping to make a break for it, but Hux and the girl from calculus come by and block my path. They have another guy with them I don’t recognize. Smells like a whole store full of Axe.

Hux claps Ben on the shoulder and Ben scowls and shrugs him off. They’re all so _tall_.

“Rey getting in the way again?” Hux asks. He’s chewing gum and smiling down at her. “We should show her what happens to people who get in the way.”

He reaches towards me. I jerk back but it doesn’t matter, because Ben seizes Hux’s wrist and twists it sideways.

Hux yelps—then shouts. Ben keeps twisting as Hux falls to his knees, turning so his arm doesn’t get snapped off. His back faces us and everyone looks nervous and uncomfortable, eyes shifting around. I just cower against the lockers.

“You annoy me, Hux,” Ben says matter-of-factly.

He lets Hux go and plants a foot in the middle of his back to knock him forward on his face. I wince when his nose glances off the floor. Ouch.

No one moves for a couple moments. Ben eyes Hux before his dark gaze trails across the other people standing around. I don’t know what’s being communicated but they sort of shy away and go help Hux get to his feet. He’s groaning, turning on his side. There’s blood on the floor.

I run. I leave my backpack behind and hustle down the hallway to the homeroom I’m late for. At least I have my phone back. I’ll get the bag later.

—•—

Calculus is right after homeroom. I’m torn between my fear of seeing Ben and my fear of skipping class. Both are scary prospects.

But all my stuff is in my backpack—I don’t have anything for class without it. I pace in the bathroom, chewing my nails while I try to decide what to do. I’ll look stupid if I go to class unprepared. Everyone will stare and laugh. But Miss Tano will be upset if I skip and I hate making teachers upset.

I’m pacing and pacing—and my phone vibrates. My hands tremble when I take it out.

> **(603) 330-0504** >  
> _______________________
> 
> **Today** 7:53 AM
> 
> Bag is here.

Sweat beads on my palms. I quickly wipe them and drop my phone in the process.

> Who is this?
> 
> Guess.

Anxiety curls in my gut. I stare at the text, still shocked by it, then hear the bell.

I hurry upstairs to the calculus classroom. Everyone is talking when I walk in and Miss Tano is late as always, so I sneak to my chair in the back, where Ben is already sprawled out in his chair. My backpack is leaned against the side of my desk.

“All I’m saying is, you didn’t have to break his nose,” snaps the girl who sits next to Hux. His desk is empty. “It’s just _mean_ , Ben.”

I’m elated to see my backpack—and it has all my stuff in it. I smile when I sit, pawing through for my notebook and pencil. Phew. I couldn’t deal with the stress of losing my backpack. Barely survived my phone being taken.

Ben ignores the girl talking to him. She scowls and huffs before she turns around to face front.

I try not to look his way but it’s hard to resist. I’m not great at using my peripherals—my periphery?—I don’t know, I’m a terrible English-user. But I try to peer at Ben regardless, and notice a new green pencil behind his ear.

_Jerk_ , I think. Of course he couldn’t resist stealing another pencil.

His dark eyes flicker to me and I stiffen in my seat. Ben chews his gum slowly, gaze wandering down my outfit. He’s seen my Tumblr. Oh god. That’s so embarrassing—and he thinks it’s ‘rapey.’ It’s not rapey. I don’t like that kind of stuff.

He snaps his gum. The classroom door opens and he looks away towards the front.

“Weird,” he says.

I’m blushing hard. It’s humiliating. I could die. I’ve never shown anyone that stuff and I definitely wouldn’t show some guy I barely know who doesn’t like me. Maybe I am weird. I should just delete the blog and wipe my existence off the internet.

Fear slithers up my nape. What if he tells people? What if he already has? Oh my god. Oh no.

Miss Tano is still getting organized so I take the opportunity to text Ben. My thumbs quiver and I have to battle with autocorrect to get the message out.

> **Today** 8:05 AM
> 
> I’m sorry. Please don’t tell anyone.  
>  **Read** 8:06 AM

Ben reads my message. I see him read it. But he doesn’t show any emotion and doesn’t text me back.

It’s hard to focus— _again_. I’m increasingly terrified that he’s going to tell people what he saw on my Tumblr and everyone will make fun of me and hate me. Nausea sinks my gut like a stone as I try to write and keep up with Miss Tano. She said I could come to her if Ben gave me problems. Maybe I should. I couldn’t bear him telling people about my Tumblr.

I’m going through the motions when the bell rings. Ben gets to his feet and my voice catches in my throat—

“Rey, Ben? Could I see you two?”

He glances at me, then we look at Miss Tano. She raises her eyebrows and beckons us with her index finger, smiling. Does she know? Oh my god. I’ll die.

Ben ambles to the front and I hurry to gather my stuff before I follow. Everyone filters from the classroom and Miss Tano closes the door behind them.

“So—I’ve been thinking.” She sits at her desk, clasping her hands on a book. “Rey is very advanced in math and you, Ben… aren’t. I noticed you both have a study hall at the end of the day on Fridays so I thought it may be helpful for you two to get together for some tutoring.”

Tutor… tutoring? Me? Tutoring _him_?

I start shaking my head. “Um… I don’t know how—”

“Maybe you can help Ben with his homework to start? Review notes?” Miss Tano shrugs. “I think it would be beneficial to both of you. Teaching is the best way to learn, Rey.”

“I… I…”

“And I’ll give extra credit—may be enough for you to pass, Ben.”

Oh god. No, no. I don’t want to tutor him. I glance up and see Ben is as impassive as ever. I hope he doesn’t go for it. He wouldn’t. Right?

Ben shrugs. “Alright.”

Miss Tano beams and claps. My throat is so tight I can’t refuse, and I’m afraid to refuse anyway. I’ll look lazy and rude if I say no.

“Great!” she exclaims. “I think this will work out really well for both of you. Rey, you let me know if he doesn’t show up, okay?”

I nod woodenly. She waves and smiles and I turn and head for the door, Ben behind me. He reaches past me to open it and holds it open above my head so I can walk out first. It’s to be polite, I think, but I still cower under his arm.

The second bell rings when we step into the hallway. I’m going to be late— _again_ —and I turn to rush to my locker and get my stuff. Can’t be late.

Ben grabs my forearm. He only has to tug lightly to make me teeter back, stumbling a couple steps.

“You like that rapey stuff, weird girl?” he asks.

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“What color are you wearing?”

I pull, stammering, and he squeezes my forearm hard enough to make me wince. His hands are huge.

“Come on,” Ben coos. He gives a rough tug, leaning over and lowering his voice. “If you don’t tell me, I’m going to make you take them off and give them to me instead.”

“P-Pink. They’re pink.”

I don’t know what color panties I’m wearing; I just want him to let go of me. He smells like Axe and he’s so _big_ —it’s really scary.

“Show me.”

We’re in the middle of the hallway. I look up at him, severely terrified, and he’s just staring back at me. I don’t move, lips quivering. I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. Someone could walk by.

Ben sighs. He grabs my skirt with his free hand and pulls it down off my hip, far enough that my white panties are half visible. I try to pull them up but he doesn’t move his hand. Someone could walk by—

“Those don’t look pink to me.” He snaps the hem against my hip and I jump. “You like big white panties, weird girl?”

I don’t answer. Tears are welling up in my eyes and I can only shake my head and struggle to pull my skirt up.

Ben lets go. I stumble into the lockers, then take off down the hallway and don’t look back.


	5. Chapter 5

Even Unkar seems surprised by how upset I am when I get home, and he usually doesn’t notice anything. I skip dinner and hide in my room, changing out of my uniform into something baggy and comfortable. I flop on my bed and stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before I start crying.

I’ve dealt with mean kids at school before. They usually ignore me in favor of smaller victims, though, and none of them ever stole my stuff or looked through my phone.

Ben knows about my Tumblr and Twitter and I’m afraid he’s going to tell people if I tattle on him. But he’s _really_ mean, and he’s violent; scary in a way I’ve never seen before. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t want to tutor him. I don’t want to be anywhere near him or have to tell him what color panties I’m wearing ever again.

I roll on my side and bury my face in my scratchy yellow pillow to muffle my sobs. Maybe I can drop out. I’ll go back to public school where I fit in better.

My phone vibrates but I don’t bother checking it. I fall asleep curled up in a ball and at some point, Unkar drops off a plate of food for me on my dresser. I don’t bother eating it.

—•—

Ben isn’t in school the next morning. I’m relieved and I coast through my classes only kind of paranoid, and Rose chats me up about our sleepover. Seems like a good day. Maybe he dropped out.

“Bring comfy pajamas and DVDs!” she says, hanging out with me at my locker while I switch books after lunch. “And bring your English paper, too. Paige will be home but she won’t bug us.”

I nod and smile. “I don’t really have any movies…”

“No problem! My parents have tons. We’ll find something—”

I’m grabbed by the back of my neck, yanked a step back with a sharp tug. I squeak and Rose squeaks, too, dropping her stuff on the floor. It’s a bit of a commotion and attracts some eyes but they all quickly look away, and I realize who it must be.

Ben chews gum in my ear. It’s minty. He’s silent for a long minute while Rose hastily picks up her books. My heart lodges in my throat, skin prickling where he’s grasping my neck. Isn’t anyone going to say anything?

He sighs. Rose looks up as she gets her last book, gaze flickering between us.

“Fuck off,” Ben says.

“But—”

“I said fuck off.”

She hesitates when she gets to her feet but I don’t blame her for hurrying off. Ben chews his gum while we watch her disappear down the hallway into the crowd of uniforms. He’s not squeezing my throat but his grip is firm and his hand feels _huge_. It’s terrifying.

He snaps his gum. “Didn’t answer my text.”

“I’m sorry.” I swallow, mouth dry. “I f-fell asleep early.”

“Mhm.”

Ben snaps his gum again and there’s a pause like he’s thinking. People are looking. I want to crawl in a hole and never come back out.

“Don’t blow me off again, weird girl. Got it?”

I nod stiffly. He gives my neck one light squeeze before he lets go but he still stands right behind me, looming threateningly. I’m afraid he’ll grab me again if I move so I just stand there and stare dead ahead at the clock hanging near the ceiling. Please leave me alone. I’m really not worth the energy.

“I’ve got a game tomorrow night,” Ben says, “and I’m having a thing after.”

“…Oh.”

“Maybe I’ll pick you up around eleven if you skip your sleepover with that other weird girl.”

“Eleven… at night?”

He laughs at me. I blush, embarrassed and still frozen in place. Obviously he means eleven at night.

Ben pats my ass right in front of the few people still meandering through the hall. Now I’m _really_ embarrassed and I try edging a step away from him—but he follows, grabbing hard this time and making me squeak in surprise.

He yanks me back. I bump into his chest and cower when I feel his lips at my ear.

“I didn’t say you could go anywhere,” he whispers. He squeezes harder. “Did I?”

“I have—I have class—”

I’m shoved against the nearest locker. My books fall and I barely catch myself before I bang my cheek off the cold metal, ears ringing, and Ben keeps his grip firm on my butt. I push on the locker to get away and he seizes me by the nape again, pinning me. He’s right there. Right behind me.

His fingers curl around my throat and his voice is low in my ear. I’m too scared to resist.

“I didn’t say you could go anywhere,” he repeats. He pauses. I think he’s listening to my breathing and I think he nuzzles my temple. “Did I?”

“No, no—I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“ _Are_ you sorry?” Ben’s hand tightens around my throat and my ears ring louder. “I don’t think I believe you. Try saying it again.”

“Mister _Solo_! Miss Niima!”

I’m set free a little slower than I thought I would be. I clutch at my throat, rasping and shaking as I turn to face Miss Phasma with Ben. He has a hand half-up defensively and he laughs at her scowl and her hands on her hips.

Her scowl deepens. “I don’t see what’s funny, Mister Solo.” Her eyes flicker to me. “I’m very disappointed in you, Miss Niima. Please get to class immediately—if I see this again I’ll have to call your parents.”

She glares at us. I want to defend myself but I also want to get as far away from Ben as quickly as I can. I grab my books off the floor and rush to class.

—•—

There’s no way I’m skipping my sleepover with Rose. I spend the next day repeating that to myself, refusing to be bullied into canceling plans—and I have no interest in going to a ‘thing,’ anyway.

Miss Tano pulls me aside Friday morning after class to give me her suggestions for tutoring Ben after school: Monday and Wednesdays so it doesn’t interfere with his sports. I keep forgetting he’s on the football team. Linebacker, because what other position would be play?

Everyone is getting up behind me and I clear my throat, trying to keep my voice low. She’s packing up her bag, too. Now or never. Just tell her you can’t do it because Ben is fucking awful.

“Um… Miss Tano?”

“You wanted to see me, Tano?”

I hear him over my shoulder. He’s right behind me, close enough that we’re touching. I press my lips together and swallow, going very still.

Miss Tano glances up at the sound of Ben’s voice and raises her eyebrows at him. I’m trying to communicate with my eyes— _help me_ —but she doesn’t notice. Adults never notice when you need help. I think sometimes they don’t want to notice.

“Yes, Mister Solo: I gave Rey an outline for tutoring and suggested you two meet Mondays and Wednesdays after school. You might not have enough time during lunch period.”

“Alright,” Ben replies.

“And don’t stand her up. She’s doing you a big favor.”

“Yeah.”

Miss Tano smiles and waves her hands to shoo us. I linger, trying to summon up the courage to tell her I don’t want to help Ben, but she seems pretty done with us. Great. Good.

I try to slip away into the crowd of people before Ben can ask me what color panties I’m wearing—but he grabs the back of my sweater and stops me dead. I stumble and squeak, nearly toppling over.

“Eleven tonight,” he says. He pushes me forward again. “Your weird friend can’t come.”

Before I can say anything, Ben walks away. He towers above most everyone else and I notice Hux converging towards him, face bruised, bandage over his nose. Ben doesn’t look at him. I don’t think I’d be friends with someone who broke my nose.

I look around nervously and start off the other way. I’m not canceling my plans with Rose. I’m really not.

—•—

Rose and Paige pick me up around five. I’ve drafted and deleted a dozen texts, pacing my room jittery with anxiety—but I decide I’m not going to let Ben control me like that. I like Rose and I’m going to hang out with her. Too bad for him.

Paige brings us to Wendy’s for dinner and pays for my food. She’s in college, really pretty and nice, going to be a mechanical engineer. Rose rolls her eyes sometimes when she asks me questions and I don’t get it. I’ve always wanted a sister, though; maybe it’s different when you actually have one.

Rose nudges me with her elbow when Paige is distracted on her phone.

“What was that earlier?” she whispers.

“What?”

“With Ben Solo?” She raises her eyebrows, glancing toward her sister. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing,” I say quickly.

“Why are you talking to Ben Solo, Rose?”

We look up. Paige is watching us, holding her hand over her phone’s receiver. Her eyes flicker between us and she raises her eyebrows.

“I wasn’t!” Rose retorts. “He was bothering Rey earlier!”

Paige’s eyebrows lift higher. She stares at me instead and I shake my head fast.

“He just asked me a question. Not a big deal.”

“Why is he talking to you?” Paige presses. “Isn’t he like nineteen now? Why is he even in that school anymore?”

“You know him?” Rose asks, tilting her head.

“Yeah, he was two years younger.” Paige sticks out her tongue in disgust and shudders as she turns around. “Total jerk. Stay away from him, Rey—and tell a teacher if he’s bothering you.”

I nod, dropping my gaze to my French fries. It should be simple: someone is bullying you, tell an adult. But it’s really not that simple.


End file.
